When is the right time to have kids?
I have been feeling so guilty lately about this… Andy and I will have been together for 10 years this year and for at least the last 6 years he’s been asking for a baby… I figured we still had time, we could do this on our thirties and it would give us time to save money for a house, start a business so I could work from home and I could also finish school… 2014 rolls around, I’m 31 and Andy is 36, we’ve been trying to conceive for over a year with no success and not a lot of positive prognosis from the Reproductive Endocrinologist, I can’t help but feel guilty about it.
I grew up listening to my mom say how easy it was for her to get pregnant that I never even bothered to understand how the whole cycle worked. I just knew that if I got my periods I was ovulating and if it was easy for my mom, it would be easy for me too. Boy, was I wrong
This has been the most difficult year of my life by far! My parents moved from Texas to Hawaii and moved in with my husband and I because we were opening a food truck business together. They also knew we were trying to conceive so we were ecstatic to have them around our “soon to be family”. This was supposed to make things easier but instead it complicated them even more. As the food truck didn’t get ready in time and both my husband and I work regular jobs full time, having only nights and weekends to build the truck, my parents grew tense about finances. Because we had promised them that it would be ready by the time they arrive we had to afford all the bills by ourselves and on top of our regular expenses, plus the additional fertility expenses, we also had to support them. As time went on, my husband started growing tired of this situation and things started getting a little tenses at home. I confess it wasn’t easy for me either as I’m not used to living with my parents anymore and my husband and I were just coming out of a relationship crisis so we really needed the bonding time but could never get it because we were never alone. That would drive me to stay in our room a lot, so we could be alone, but this was very difficult for my parents to understand and they felt rejected by me.
You see, in Brazil there is no privacy lines that must not be crossed or even personal space! My parents moved in with the Brazilian mentality of family while I had been living the “American way” for the past 10 years. It was a difficult transition for everyone.
In addition we were also looking for a house to buy and we only qualified as long as we were both employed and in stable positions.. I could feel that dream slipping away by the minute as my husband never lasts too long in any single job. He prefers to be self employed but that’s not only not stable he would have to make good money every single month for at least 2 years in order to qualify for a loan as a self-employed person. In addition (yes, its not over yet), I was staking all these hormones to help with the fertility issue that my emotions were all over the place. One day I would cry and be depressed, the next I want to kill my husband because he didn’t do the dishes. One more thing, I hate my job but needed to keep it if we were to buy a house. The environment is very tense and the corporate culture is awful. In the past year 39 people have quit and for a company that employs an average of 200, 39 is a LOT! As of today, I’m still stuck here…The combination of all these things have made my life miserable this past year…
Which brings me back to my infertility… I’m sure that all the stress I’m under doesn’t help, but could it be the culprit of my infertility?
Maybe if we had started sooner it wouldn’t be so hard… I’ll never know. My husband feels like he’s getting too old to be a dad because he’ll be turning 37 this year.,.. which means that best case scenario he’ll have a 10 year old when he’s 47… How did all this time pass and I didn’t notice?
I really hope we can get pregnant soon… We need our family to e complete.