Monthly Archives: April 2014
It’s no news that women undergoing fertility treatments keep riding the emotional roller coaster over and over again, with no pit stop. It’s also no news that this fucking sucks! I hate roller coasters, whether they’re real or emotional ones.
I came home yesterday in a super happy mode. Husband took Zoe (our dog) to the beach thus removing one task from my night duties, rented a funny movie and bought not 1 but 2 pints of Haagen Dazs! We had all elements of a perfect night schemed up.
Since I was self proclaimed infertile I looked for the best infertility clinic here in Hawaii and started visiting frequently and they were great, I don’t think I ever had to wait for 1 minute. The building is beautiful, well decorated, and smells so unbelievably clean and fresh. As soon as I showed up, they would have me pee and walk me to my room which was ready just waiting for me, ultrasound machine programmed with my data in it already. It was like a infertility retreat. I don’t think I was ever treated with so much pompous in my life.
All wanna be mamas have been part of a conversation where an actual mama says “you can take my kids any time” or “honey, you’re lucky you don’t have any kids yet”. Although we all wanna curse them (and we do in our heads), here’s an alternative response.
When you’re trying to get pregnant for a while every pregnancy announcement hits you like a thousand knives. Remember my BFF from a couple posts ago? Well, she had a + pregnancy test today… She’s 37 and has been trying for just 3 months.
Everyone has secrets, things we find hard to talk about. We all have closets…and they are scary and we hate it. Closets are just a hard conversation. This is a story of how coming out of the infertility closet has set me free.
Some closets might contain lighter secrets than others but make no mistake, all closets are hard to come out of. At first closets feel safe. They provide a world where your insecurities can pass by unscathed and unacknowledged by others. It may feel like keeping your closet door shut you’re safeguarding your heart, but in reality you’re cultivating a time bomb.
No one likes being a drag in somebody else’s life, especially loved ones. I take this concept to a whole new level. I have the mindset of a martyr, seriously. Although I’m as far from being a hero as possible, I somehow manage to try my best and still fuck up.
There’s a slight chance that they hurt due to me constantly checking it to see if they hurt. This is the phase that no matter how hard I try, my empty womb overrides my good senses and starts symptom checking everything.
My best friend got pregnant at 31 by accident, she had a “pull-out” baby. How ironic is that? She is now 37 (I’m 31) and her periods are super light, which for what I understand also mean that her lining isn’t all that thick. After being a part of my infertility drama, she feels that she should try to get another one before it’s too late for her. We hoped we would be bump buddies…Well, her boobs hurt, she’s 11 dpo like me. She fees that she will get her positive this month. I’m having side effects from her situation…. my hands cant seem to stop squeezing my boobs to double check that its sore.
Out of 10 posts 7 were friends with their kids on egg hunts, 1 was a new pregnancy announcement, and 2 were rebellious citizens protesting against some government bullshit I don’t care about anymore. Getting pregnant consumes me and Im feeling ran down today.
This is what i think about Easter egg hunts: crack’em bitches, put’em on a pot and eat’em up with a bunch of cheese and bacon.
I grew up in a conservative Catholic family and my mom and all my aunts and several of my cousins got married virgins. Why would anybody choose to do that, its beyond me. It’s like they don’t realize its the 21st century.
Good Friday holiday and I’m still at work while the rest if the island has been enjoying a beautiful Hawaiian day. All executives and VPs took the day off and us, mere slaves to this company, are here on a Friday at 5:00. All I wanna say is fuck you guys, I’m drinking some wine and will be blogging til it’s time to go home to drink some more. Jesus liked wine, its all good.