Why Brazilians Pee Funny

I know what you’re thinking… what a prejudicial bitch! But much like white people don’t get to use the N word, I’m Brazilian all the way, and so is my va-jay-jay, so I get to say #whateverthefuckIwant.

brazilian-waxing-3In case you’re curious dude just trying to learn more about the workings of the va-jay-jay or a lady who is pondering “should I or should I not”, let me explain. Although not so pleasing on the eyes (at least for me it isn’t) you’ll find out why you have  the carpet down there as soon as you wax and have a pee emergency, forcing you to squat somewhere you probably shouldn’t… that shit just doesn’t flow right. Its like your vag got retarded. Turns out that hair has a purpose after all.

If you ever got a Brazilian bikini wax, you know exactly what I’m talking about…

The fact is, the Brazilian Vag cannot pee straight! I actually might have to add that being very experienced at having a Brazilian vag — by nature and by choice– we can do a better job than most newbies at the waxing biz. But it takes practice and skill and I still pee on myself every now and then, depending on the level of blood in my alcoholic system.

Even with all the pain and all the hassle of being peetarded for a whole month, I still find it extremely valuable (and very fun if I may add) to get that Hitler stache down south. If you don’t like the Hitler stache design, you can do a bunny, a heart or even a letter. Or even better, and my all time favorite, baby skin va-jay-jay. Just please ladies, make sure you try it at least once. Here are some pros and cons:

PROS CONS

here are some tips for the newbee:

– always apply baby oil before applying (any) wax

– make sure you know what type of wax is better for your skin/hair type

– get references. You don’t want to end up like this lady: http://www.cloudywithachanceofwine.com/why-you-should-never-get-a-brazilian-wax/ 

Peace and out bitches!

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About Love,DANI

I have recently developed Obsessive Compulsive Blogging Disorder in order to mask the fact that my ability to procreate might be fully dependent on my bank account balance. Some think I'm bossy others think I'm soft, but the truth is I'm a sugglebunny she-ra wine drinking slave working alpha bitch that just wants to have some goddamn babies. www.LOVEcomaMOM.wordpress.com is something I've always wanted to do since I was a kid and decided to write down all the things my mom did wrong but blogs didn't exist. So I take notes of things I want to teach my imaginary kids, good and bad. You'll find that I fluctuate between loving and crazy wannabe mom. I hope my kids will read this someday. www.LOVEcomaDANI.wordpress.com This one is for my bitches and I write about whatever I want, whatever thought is on my mind that day. Beware, I freely curse ad I'm a firm believer that swear words are here to emphasize my thoughts.

Posted on April 18, 2014, in Humor, lets talk honestly, Life Lesson Series, Sharing my wisdom and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. “…depending on the level of blood in my alcoholic system.” – I love it!!!!

    Thank you SO much for linking back to me, and for the pointers on the whole Brazilian wax thing. I have been WAY too scared to try it again, but I think the woman who did mine did me a disservice by not telling me to hold my skin taunt and not removing the excess wax!!!

    In any event, you are HILARIOUS and I am sharing this everywhere…

    xoxoxoxo

    Oh, and I just read your comment on my blog. I started out with 100% downer posts, too. I think blogging is really therapeutic. I just hope you don’t lose your humor as you are one funny lady!

    • awwwww thank you so much! You’ve almost made me as happy as wine does! Do feel flattered, the competition is tough! 🙂 I am so in love with blogging I barely even work anymore… hoping that my boss doesn’t notice my mental absence and lack of productivity but I have a feeling shit’s about to rain on my head.

      And as to the Brazilian wax, do try again but make sure to taunt the skin (a must have skill) and add baby oil prior. I have been stuck with wax down my nani for days because I forgot… not fun!

      I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts! 🙂
      Aloha, Dani

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