The Art of Gift Receiving
No one likes being a drag in somebody else’s life, especially loved ones. I take this concept to a whole new level. I have the mindset of a martyr, seriously. Although I’m as far from being a hero as possible, I somehow manage to try my best and still fuck up.
On Saturday I had my first guitar lesson, and I was sold. I must learn it! So I looked on Craigslist for hours for some cheap guitars I could buy so I could practice at home. I responded to so many ads I lost track of it. Come Monday morning, someone finally got back to me and I bought my first guitar. I rushed to my therapy session and ask my hubby to meet me there because I wanted to discuss our infertility disparity, but that’s a whole separate post… anyways, when we left the office he asked me to meet by his car because he needed help with something. When I get there, he opened the back window of the truck and there it was, a brand new guitar, with all the add-ons.
I should have been stoked, who wouldn’t like a surprise like that? But instead I ruined a perfect chance to be nice right back at him.
Knowing how I have a hard time receiving gifts (receiving anything really) I force stopped my mind from going off at him on all the reasons why he shouldn’t have done that and said thank you, and I told him to get something in my car too. When he got there, he discovered the guitar I bought and we had a good laugh about it. He’s not stupid though, he knew what was on my mind… I wasn’t stoked on the fact that he bought a brand new guitar when I clearly stated I wanted something cheap just to practice my fingers… plus he got an expensive case, neck strap and a tuner, which FYI you can download for free on the app store. Yet, none of those reasons justify why I put more weight on why he shouldn’t have done that rather than the sweet gesture it was.
There’s something wrong with me, I swear! When I turned 30 I didn’t tell any of my friends, and since I’ve been conspicuously hiding my birthday for several years now, the big 30 passed by unscathed. A few months later they realized the somehow I managed to go a whole year and not have a birthday, so they figured it out and threw me a surprise party. Honestly, I was mad on the inside when I got home and saw all that.
Hubby and I had a talk last night and I apologized and promised I would learn to “receive” more graciously. I need to stop being so selfishly selfish, if that’s even possible. It’s like I can help everybody out, all my friends and family depend on me all the time and I love “giving”, but I can’t accept the same gesture in return… maybe I feel undeserving of their care and love?
Am I the only one like this? Why do I have a hard time receiving?
I got leid at work today, for no reason at all, who wouldn’t be thankful about that? I’m happy to inform you that I reacted very graciously upon receiving said gift. But it’s only the start of a journey… changing yourself at such a deep level is no easy task.