My BFF is Pregnant and She Took My Due Date With Her

happinness cancledWhen you’re trying to get pregnant for a while every pregnancy announcement hits you like a thousand knives. Remember my BFF from a couple posts ago? Well, she had a + pregnancy test today… She’s 37 and has been trying for just 3 months.

She’s with this great guy and had recently been laid off, but you see, shes very goal oriented and would never jeopardize her job over having kids but she always wanted another one. So we talked and I convinced her that the time to try for a baby was now as shes already 37, her (live in) boyfriend has a good job, and her little girl is already in school. And so they started trying. In early April she got hired for a better job than she had before and told me that was going to put the baby plans on hold until at least the end of this year. Makes sense… I thought.

Last week she started having sore boobs and checking in on me to see if I was having symptoms as well.  We had our periods and ovulated on the exact same day (what are the odds of that), which means our due dates would be the same. Think about this for a minute… is this not every girls’ dream come true? To get pregnant along with you best friend and also have the same due date? To have your babies be born and grow up together? I’m already the godmother to her daughter and this would put a whole new meaning in “it takes a village to raise a child”. That would be us, the village people.

In spite of my pain, I was honestly happy for her. Shes my sister and I love her to death but it breaks my heart that I can’t be as happy as she is right now.  It breaks my heart not having the answers… It breaks my heart that when I come home, my husband is the one to tell me “relax, it’ll happen”.  My husband lives in fairy tale land, I swear… Sometimes I feel like punching him in the throat to see if he’ll snap out of it. But that’s a whole separate post…

The hardest part for me is not knowing if this will ever happen… I just have this feeling inside me that says that no matter what I do, I’m never getting pregnant. I don’t like to say this out loud because I don’t want to acknowledge it, but it’s there…

I also know that it’s too soon for me to say this but, but I’m not saying this based on rationality or any scientific fact, I’m saying it based on instinct. I’m going to be so happy if for once in my life my instinct betrays me… but I have already tested 3 times this week and they were all negative… plus I spotted on Monday and Wednesday, so it’s highly unlikely considering the history.

So here I am… Friday night, sad, bloated and unpregnant…

Not even this blog can save me tonight… but at least I’m holding a glass of wine and eating fried cheese.

To the sadness I’m feeling all I wanna say is, fuck you! You’re gonna drown in wine tonight bitch!

 

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About Love,DANI

I have recently developed Obsessive Compulsive Blogging Disorder in order to mask the fact that my ability to procreate might be fully dependent on my bank account balance. Some think I'm bossy others think I'm soft, but the truth is I'm a sugglebunny she-ra wine drinking slave working alpha bitch that just wants to have some goddamn babies. www.LOVEcomaMOM.wordpress.com is something I've always wanted to do since I was a kid and decided to write down all the things my mom did wrong but blogs didn't exist. So I take notes of things I want to teach my imaginary kids, good and bad. You'll find that I fluctuate between loving and crazy wannabe mom. I hope my kids will read this someday. www.LOVEcomaDANI.wordpress.com This one is for my bitches and I write about whatever I want, whatever thought is on my mind that day. Beware, I freely curse ad I'm a firm believer that swear words are here to emphasize my thoughts.

Posted on April 26, 2014, in Feeling empty, infertility, lets talk honestly and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Man, I know how you feel. Just a few months ago my bestie and I went through this. She also has kids already. She just recently asked me to throw her baby shower. I am kind of debating if I want to or not.

    Also understand the husband living in fairytale land too. He constantly tells me to relax and it will happen. I’m pretty sure I roll my eyes at him when he says that now.

    Any sign of AF yet? Do you know for sure you are out this month?

    • After i posted this friend dropped off her other fret and i tested before going to bed, it was negative… I cried a lot for 24 hours pretty much… But was still hopeful that maybe frer was wrong… AF showed up yesterday and washed my dream down the toilet :/ i guess living in fairy tale land isn’t only for husbands

      • Oh Hun, I am so sorry. :/ I swear this gets harder each month. I thought that as each month went by I would gain a thicker and thicker skin. But for some reason my hopes go up even more with each month passing. Not sure why I can’t grow “thick skin” but this is one thing that is to hard to toughen up on. I’m pretty sure I get weaker every month.

      • Im sorry but it really doesnt get any easier… The more time goes on and I dont get pregnant just hives my mind more time to think of things that could be wrong with me and it just validates my fear that this is never gonna happen. Im trying really hard to be happy in between, but damn, this is so hard. I hope you get prego soon and dont have to go this long trying

      • Thank you for the reality check. More than ever do I want it to happen soon too. But I seriously have doubts about it. I just have that feeling that something is wrong. I try to ignore it. But the thought is constant. After this month of doing everything right, if we still are not pregnant, then there has to be something wrong. Thanks for the positive thoughts. I am going to send some your way as well. I couldn’t imagine the pain you are going through this week.

  2. I can really relate, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I shared a similar situation with my best friend and my sister-in-law. It hurts. Hugs to you! xx

  1. Pingback: Life Can Be So Cruel… | LOVEcomaDANI

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