My BFF is Pregnant and She Took My Due Date With Her
When you’re trying to get pregnant for a while every pregnancy announcement hits you like a thousand knives. Remember my BFF from a couple posts ago? Well, she had a + pregnancy test today… She’s 37 and has been trying for just 3 months.
She’s with this great guy and had recently been laid off, but you see, shes very goal oriented and would never jeopardize her job over having kids but she always wanted another one. So we talked and I convinced her that the time to try for a baby was now as shes already 37, her (live in) boyfriend has a good job, and her little girl is already in school. And so they started trying. In early April she got hired for a better job than she had before and told me that was going to put the baby plans on hold until at least the end of this year. Makes sense… I thought.
Last week she started having sore boobs and checking in on me to see if I was having symptoms as well. We had our periods and ovulated on the exact same day (what are the odds of that), which means our due dates would be the same. Think about this for a minute… is this not every girls’ dream come true? To get pregnant along with you best friend and also have the same due date? To have your babies be born and grow up together? I’m already the godmother to her daughter and this would put a whole new meaning in “it takes a village to raise a child”. That would be us, the village people.
In spite of my pain, I was honestly happy for her. Shes my sister and I love her to death but it breaks my heart that I can’t be as happy as she is right now. It breaks my heart not having the answers… It breaks my heart that when I come home, my husband is the one to tell me “relax, it’ll happen”. My husband lives in fairy tale land, I swear… Sometimes I feel like punching him in the throat to see if he’ll snap out of it. But that’s a whole separate post…
The hardest part for me is not knowing if this will ever happen… I just have this feeling inside me that says that no matter what I do, I’m never getting pregnant. I don’t like to say this out loud because I don’t want to acknowledge it, but it’s there…
I also know that it’s too soon for me to say this but, but I’m not saying this based on rationality or any scientific fact, I’m saying it based on instinct. I’m going to be so happy if for once in my life my instinct betrays me… but I have already tested 3 times this week and they were all negative… plus I spotted on Monday and Wednesday, so it’s highly unlikely considering the history.
So here I am… Friday night, sad, bloated and unpregnant…
Not even this blog can save me tonight… but at least I’m holding a glass of wine and eating fried cheese.
To the sadness I’m feeling all I wanna say is, fuck you! You’re gonna drown in wine tonight bitch!